Dan Akroyd and the ghost of christmas past.

man its fucking bright in here... ah a button to fix everything... how modern...  freeing us from the shackles of daily survival, technology, a force, enables man to unleash a tsunami of repressed psychological backwash over society at large.  160 min Directed by Danny Glover

Really now... its been a while since we were on the ol tour bus of  ye olde yore but its a trip worth going on I think.  Kind of that whole seesaw idea... go back and forth until you reach a stasis... a medium ... or a large, whatever the case may be.  It gets less difficult to let it all pull you into a vortex, like Ray and Vigo in ghostbusters II.  Don't jump in, just ride on the edge... then you can tie knots in time and make this whole endeavor worth a while.

having to believe is one of the more effective measures... and that cubic centimeter of chance just might be the snag in the tapestry.  It's twisting again and I can see a new wave of nothing come my way.  There is no is.  There is no is. There's no is. Over andover again.


Intermission....

Blue Skies, Yellow desert, and a skull with a mohawk

I could hear the words steam past my mouth... but they didn't add up... What did I just say?  Gauging my listeners reaction, I seemed to have said something intelligible.  Like running on a collapsing bridge... one step just barley escaping a pitfall into the dark mental abyss of nothingness.  All too familiar a feeling, but its a little different this time.  I don't seem to care as much about the loss of control... but enough to still push the endeavor.  Many times that genesis was the eventual result in giving up to a self-futility in enacting my will.  Why bother saying anything at all?  Like chasing a moving car, eventually the car gets far enough away that you give up and stop running after it. Sae la vie, or so it goes.

This time it feels less abrupt... that for a moment I can reach back down into the pool of my mind and grab that fish that's trying to swim away.  And success is had in recapitulating the idea into something that I can remember instead of a slew of abstract feelings associated with the idea that melts into a fading dream that one can never quite recreate fully in one's head.  Is that our world is too dense, too slow, to realize some of the quicksilver notions that stream past it's peripheral?  How do I pull that candy colored sky and those mechanized cartoon washing machines back into something I can focus on tangibly?  I suppose there will always be some downgrading of resolution when it comes to these things but dammit Im a human and I try despite what seems to be the reality of the case.  That you can't really reconstruct a dream as it rests in the seat of your consciousness.  Less that reconstruction is a step toward synthesizing something new.

I mean I suppose its rather a rubicon of sorts when you realize the nature of language is something much more mysterious than we accept in our lives.  That simple logical hardness of the written word that solidifies an idea into a thought, into a solid notion, is a mere construction of your perception rather than an apriori thing that exists in the ether.  And with that, one extrapolates the idea that language stems beyond just mere spoken words but to our experience of the world as a whole.  That is, our perception is a language that informs us of the world at large. Everything (we percieve) is language.  Language is an abstraciton.   Forever chasing our own tail back to its beginning.

So what's the hook?  Chasing the unknown... trying to accomplish the impossible.  Set your sites high and be grateful for whatever you can scrape up from the attempt at something that is way over your head. The world is one big experience collecting machine scouring the four corners to find out everything it possibly can about existence.  Don't stop too long on a square... it'll just change into a pool of water.

The beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning... and how the fuck do you spell beginning?

There is no solace in living a life in fear, and when violence purveys in a world that proclaims to denounce it, fear is a much chosen option. It is no wonder we hide in the banalities of materialism to mask the contempt we have for ourselves; For all the travesties to the human spirit we allow to endure.

I open up my wallet and it is full of blood. And holy shit, my wallet was made in China too. I go to the deli, and biting into the Bacon, egg, and cheese I eat the rotten decaying flesh of our culture like a cannibalistic zombie. No wonder zombie movies are so popular these days, you know art imitates life right? And if you can't go through life with an 18 wheel Mack truck barreling down a country road firing off your machine gun into the black of night, then well I'm not really sure if I can trust you. I mean, if your not totally insane in a world such as this, there must be something seriously wrong with you.

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The expressions of the collective subconscious through the mediums of mass media:

Mass media engages our subconscious through what we are afraid of. We express who we are through our culture, no matter how sugarcoated and clouded through the fog of survivalism it tends to look. The violence we see in the media connects us with the violence that many people over the world experience daily. When we cannot experience the truth of this violence someway in our own lives, and it is kept from our consciousness, our subconscious actively seeks out it's expression. If the conscious mind rejects the expression of the subconscious for whatever reason, it will seem as humorous, without meaning, absurd, banal, whatever flavor you want to put on it. We need to experience the evil that is spread throughout the world. The uncomfortable things that are kept from our eyes, because if we were forced to live in all our useless toxic waste we would all be motivated to change the way we live much more easily. It is the legacy of the ruling classes to retain their footholds as the ones who once control the wealth of the land for the benefit of the "less evolved and rational peasants". And it is the fear of that ruling class, that does not want to give up it's position as the primary caretaker of the Earth's resources that seeks to keep us in the dark, to extend the infancy of consciousness in order to profit. To keep us occupied with survival in a world where the Earth can provide all of our 6 billion needs, yet we fight like monkeys over pieces of the ground. We have no rational concept of what "sustainability" is because we've never as a whole confronted the idea without pairing it to the "way of life" that we have all become accustomed to in this short but dense 100 years. And because of our refusal to confront this, and to those who profit from imposing ignorance upon the trusting masses, we will suffer.

It is an intricate tapestry we weave, and to be but a thread in a such a large entanglement of string is to humble one's opinions of what is "right" and how the world "is". We are fish in water and until we face that fact we will be but children dreaming of fantastic impossibilities rather than men and women who find the pragmatic way to make their dreams reality. To let go of the details, because nothing ever manifests itself the way you imagine totally. Unless you are one wise motherfucker.

And a wise motherfucker will always keep his eyes wide open.