I've always been a sort of left handed path person; And with that it's always nice to draw the 4 of swords in the throws of life, but as sweet as the sanctuary is, that tiled refuge, one must go out and face the storm again sometime.  It can be unsettling, discomforting and sometimes downright scary but the growth that happens when one faces such burdens is amazing, and in retrospect, always worth it.  I oft wonder about and want a stasis to this pendulum. I think it to be a projection of my subconscious and a capitulation of the kind of life I had as I was developing into adulthood.  You can't see your own eyeball... but damn if I don't try and gouge it out anyway, youknow?  And so here we are...


A strange sense of calm washes over a mood of defeat from the past few days.

I've been here before

I've climbed out bigger holes than this.

I have tools now, a map

maybe even a compass if I look hard enough (or stop looking so hard)

 Again our death ushers us into the appropriate mindset.  Drive on. It don't mean nuthin' it don't mean nuthin' my children love me but they don't under stand (Johnny Cash anyone?).  I don't know when exactly, but at some point in my childhood I created a mnemonic device to induce a certain mindset.  The first memory I have of it when I was 5 being out furniture shopping with my dad.  I hadn't eaten for a long time and I was excruciatingly hungry.  The store was enough to distract me but when faced with a 45 minute car ride home I could barely take it.  Understanding that there was nothing to be done until we got home, I went inside my mind as I usually would. There I found a vast ocean that stretched for miles with no end.  I looked and squinted off into the distance and felt a strange wave of calm come over me.  I felt as though I was seeing through death, like nothing mattered, but in a good reassuring way.  Before I knew it we were home.  It became a regular in my lexicon of mental tools.

And many tools and programs later we see the forest for the trees.... but we're still in the forest, but forests are nice... why would you want to leave?  I dunno a trip to the beach is always nice, but I digress.

The task at hand is realizing that which I pull out into the world is fit for my consumption and the proper mindsets are essential for their success:  

Tabun
Solve et Coagula


InthenameofthegreatPushTyberatleastimnotbored